Here are the top seven things I have not posted about lately, because I am contrary and strange:

1. Five months ago I woke up one morning and found that I hate my job. But every daydream about quitting leads to thoughts like, "But it's full time, and I have dental," and "Even if I managed to get another job, it'd just be more retail," and "Jesus Christ, I'm wasting my youth upselling Dan Brown novels," and then I just cry myself to sleep and start the whole process again the next morning.

2. I think I might apply to the University of Oregon MFA program in creative writing. They have a 4% acceptance rate. I'm going to have to give them a writing sample that isn't fan fic. I am paralyzed by fear.

3. Since September I've written 25,000 words of Merlin fic, and I am still hopelessly in love with this story. It's all I want to think about, all the time.

4. I was Albert Einstein for Halloween. It was awesome.

5. I just read Virginia Woolf's Room of One's Own, and I remembered why she is my favorite person of all time. Now I'm reading E.M. Forster's notes for a similar lecture, and while I love him dearly, he keeps making snarky comments about my Ginny. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, FORSTER. DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.

6. I bought the new Brandi Carlile CD the other day, and it is my new favorite thing.

7. Glee was preempted tonight for the STUPID WORLD SERIES. Whatever, Yankees. I want singing and dancing. Are you going you going to give me singing and dancing and fake pregnancies?

I thought not.

I have just made contact with the WORLD'S BIGGEST SPIDER. And by "contact" I mean "smashed the crap out of it with my boot while sobbing like a frightened child." Before I got up the nerve to squish it I stared at it in horror for about half an hour, completely unable to believe the size of it, and now I am seeing phantom spiders everywhere, like when you stare at a light bulb for too long and you can see the light even after you close your eyes.

I HAVE SPIDER IMPRINTS ON MY EYES.

Also, I feel really guilty about killing it, as it was obviously some sort of spider king (spider god?) and now I am responsible for the fall of an entire spider civilization, and anyway it was sort of beautiful in a completely terrifying way, and I generally frown on killing living things just because they creep you out, but SERIOUSLY. This thing would have munched on my head as I slept. It was that big.

(It is still big, only now it is dead and big. People, I have killed Aragog and made Hagrid cry. I am a horrible person.)

In a completely unrelated matter, I am about 5,000 words into a Merlin fic (I know, I know) and if anyone on my flist actually, you know, watches that show (which is awesome, and you should) I could use a second opinion/betay thing. I promise not to yell at you about spiders if you're interested.

Well. Not much, anyway.

I FINISHED A FIC!

*dances*

I have had a simply awful day, and to cheer myself I have completed - hurrah! - this Harry Potter meme. Stolen from bornofstars.

( wotcher, harry.  )

This is the job I think I should have:

I would like a career that consisted solely of going up to complete strangers and saying things like, OH MY GOD I JUST WATCHED THIS TV SHOW ABOUT WIZARDS AND DESTINY AND A DRAGON AND IT IS THE BEST THING EVER YOU SHOULD WATCH IT OH MY GOD.

And then I would walk away.

( I'm in a random sort of mood, aren't I? )

I know I am never around these days, but I have a very, very important question to ask:

Where's the good Merlin fic, people? WHERE IS IT?

(In case you are wondering, I ship everyone/everyone. It is my OTP.)

ALSO: In Plain Sight is my new Best Show Ever, Slings & Arrows made me love Shakespeare again, and Leverage and Burn Notice and Star Trek and Harry Potter (AGAIN) and my head is so full of fannishness it may explode. So if anyone knows of any Mary/Marshall, Parker/Hardison, or Lupin/Tonks that they would like to share, please let me know. I miss fan fiction.

ALSO ALSO: ( further television babbling; Leverage related. )

Thing One:

I can now post with all sorts of pretty icons because someone who is most definitely not eponymous_rose bought me some paid time for my account. I am absolutely not thanking her profusely for this, nor am I doing a dance of gratitude.

Thing Two:

I am about 12,000 words into what will be a disturbingly epic, mostly plot-free, generally fluffy Spock/Uhura Star Trek reboot fic. I can't remember the last time I was so excited about a story. This worries me a little.

And a Meme, stolen from clevermonikerr :

Pick a character that I have written, or that you know I have substantial headcanon about, and ask any five questions about him/her. Be sure to specify whether you would like responses to be OOC (responding as the writer) or IC (responding as the character).

Yeah, the movie ate my brain.

( cut for something like spoilers. not a review. )

( if I had an ax, I would cut you in the morning. I would cut you in the evening, all over this land. )

Question: If I'm a superhero, why do I have such terrible posture?

No, my friends, I am still here. You have not dreamt me - I am flesh and blood, blood and flesh, true and as real as something which is true, and real. And do not think that because I have not been posting that I have not been here among thee - oh no. I have. I have watched thee from on high (above sea level) and now I have returned to walk amongst thee. And around thee. And occasionally over thee.

Yeah, see, this is why I haven't posted. I'm a lunatic.

I was bumped up to full-time at the bookstore a couple of months ago (I don't think I posted about that. Did I?) and so my life has been rather internet-lite of late. I have kept up with fandom brouhaha (at least, as much as I ever have) and I have been writing fic, though not much and not terribly well. There has been some small amount of REAL LIFE DRAMA, which I may post friends-lockedly later, but first I wanted to say:

I am not dead. I am still working on fic. I enjoy munster cheese. I love you all.

These are the things I wanted to say. Also:

READ CHRISTOPHER MOORE'S NEW BOOK. IT IS AWESOME.
(Buy it at Borders! Yay Borders!)

So I'm feeling pretty laid back about this whole OMG ELEVEN TOMORROW ELEVEN OMG deal. I'm curious and a little excited, but not as invested as I once was. (And if someone told you this is due to my sudden, inexplicable Stargate: Atlantis obsession, that was a dirty, dirty lie.) Despite my nonchalance, I would like to share my two favorite candidates: 

( suspense! )

Due to wacky Portland weather (two feet of snow is highly inconvenient when you live in a city without snowplows) my family Christmas was postponed this year. As far as me and mine are concerned, tomorrow is both New Year's Eve and Christmas Eve - two holidays for the price of one. Hot dog.

So I have two days of family fun time ahead of me, and while I'm looking forward to it, I know I'll be desperate for an excuse to duck behind my laptop and shut out the convivial bickering for an hour or two. That's where y'all come in.

Stolen from earlgreytea68 : Give me one of my own stories, and a timestamp sometime in the future after the end of the story, or sometime in the past before the story started, and I'll write you at least a hundred words of what happened then, whether it's five minutes before the story started or ten years in the future.

I haven't written more than a page of anything in the last month, and it's driving me a little batty. Maybe a meme will help jump start the ol' muse?

Today is (or, in some parts of the country, was) jlrpuck's birthday! All the best, m'dear. And here - have some Muppets.

Winners of the first round of The Children of Time Awards were announced today, and a few of my fics have been perfectly insufferable ever since. Lording it over the others, preening in the metatextual mirrors, and just generally behaving like shameless divas. The Devil You Know is the worst, really, seeing as she's so new to the business, but Incurable got disgustingly pissed at the after-party, stumbling around with an award in each hand and hitting clumsily on all the waiters. (She likes a man in a tuxedo.) And they've both been horribly cruel to But Broken Lights, who - let's be fair - has aged well past her prime and 'only' managed to snag a Runner Up. They're bitches, quite frankly, and I can't stand to be around them for another moment.

But thanks for voting anyway, gang. And congratulations to all the other winners, nominees, nominators, organizers, innocent bystanders, and deep sea divers to whom such congratulations may be owed. Go team!

(You see, this is why I haven't posted in a month; my brain is dead. Long live my brain.)

Today, I lost my dog.

The story goes like this:

Jack, adorable little scamp that he is, was harassing birds in our fenced-in backyard while I got ready to go over to a friend's Thanksgiving dinner. When I came out to fetch him, he was gone.

( cut for purposes of suspense.  )

Hey, look! It's that Stump the Author Meme all the cool kids are doing. What fun!

Stolen from jlrpuck  and many others.

A -- go to my top secret masterlist and pick out a line or two from one of my stories. (Must be a full line, please -- no sentence fragments or speech tags or other such nonsense.)
B -- I will respond with which story of mine I think it's from.
C -- A drabble to anyone who stumps me.

If you do stump me, feel free to request a situation and characters.

And by 'drabble' I mean 'nonsensical ficlet thing of indeterminate length'. Obviously.

"They say a good man can't get elected president. I don't believe that. Do you?"
- Leo McGarry, The West Wing

Tagged by earlgreytea68, that minx.

Sometimes it's ok to pimp yourself out. Post a list of your top five fic-favorites you've written, regardless of fandom or the reason you love them. This isn't about the BEST things you've written, but what you LOVE most. Then tag five other people to do the same.

( in no particular order... )